How to show respect and politeness in Urdu

Urdu is much more polite than many other languages. This true in normal everyday conversation. I have tried to collect various ways to express the degree of respect and politeness.  Some grammar is included for those who love it….. and lots of sentences to illustrate the usage.

1.   Tu /tum/ap ( all 3 of you and their important usage)

2.   Honorific phrases  (baithie/tasrif rakhie etc)

3.   Use of plural to show respect

4.   Imperative forms from rude to extremely polite

      (baith, baitho, bathie, tasrif rahkie)

5.   Takalluf, trouble or not!

6.   Mehman navazi,  hospitality

7.   Greetings and politeness

8.   Muaf kijie, excuse me!

9.   How to address a person (janab, saheb,sahiba begum, ji, etc.)

10. Mubarak ho, wishing happy birthday etc.

Some background

Urdu was heavily influenced by the Persian language of the Indian courts, and still has many flowery polite expressions, which in normal conversation are used in place of everyday words.

When asking someone into your house, as well as saying aie (come in) you can also say tasrif laie, which literally means “bring your honour”. When asking someone to sit down, as well as the ordinary polite expression baithie, you may also use tasrif rakhie “place your honour”.

Respect is shown to people higher in social status, older in age, and that applies even to older sisters and brothers. Of course, familiarity is taken into account. One of the most important things is to learn how to use the 3 different words for you! We start with that.

1. Tu / tum / ap, “you”

We shall see that Urdu has three words for “you”, which

indicate various degrees of familiarity and respect.

The word most commonly used when addressing adults and elders

(including one´s father, elder brother etc,) is ap. 

Ap requires a special form of the verb which conveys respect. eg. dekhie, aie.

See paragraph 5. about  verbs.

How to express “please”

Urdu has no word for please.

You could always translate it, though.

Ye (ap) bataie!  Please tell me! Ap aie! Please come in!

Tu, you, Thou

Tu is a singular pronoun which is used to address only one person (singular).

It is nowadays rarely used in conversations, but is frequently used in poetry and film songs.

It is also used in intimate relationships and if carelessly used, may be offensive.

Tu is only used for your own small children, normally tum is used for children generally.

It is also used when talking to animals and addressing God.

Tu kahan hai, meri jan? ”Where are you my darling?

Mere bete, tu aisa kam mat kar! My son, don´t do that kind of work!

Tum is a plural pronoun, which like English “you” may be used to address

one person or more. Tum is used for people “lower” in the social order than oneself. It can be  (but mostly is not) used for a person of the same class or level as the person who is speaking, like immediate family, class fellows etc.

It may, for example, be used for children, younger relations, waiters, taxi drivers, servants and often (but not always) for your mother, wife and very close friends. Ap is used more often.

It is never used by a woman for her husband, who like her father, boss and most equals, would only be addressed as ap. Notice that it is always polite (and safe) to use ap.

Saulat, tum idhar ao. Saulat come here.

Male/female difference

When males are addressed tum  requires plural agreement in both the noun and the adjective.

Some examples of this:

Tum acche bacce ho (you are a good child) when addressing a male child.

the same sentence can also mean (you are good children)

To avoid confusion plural may be expressed using  log “people”

Tum log acche bacce ho, you (people) are good children

When one female is addressed, however, the noun remains singular:

Tum acchi larki ho  you, are a good girl

Tum log acchi larkian ho, you are good girls

Ap, you

It is polite and always safe to use ap. Then you never have to worry about not

giving the respect due or sounding rude. This is sometimes very difficult for the

equality minded Finns.

One  reference book also suggests: In practise it is better to

use ap to any adult, even to waiters, servants etc. although you will often hear

Urdu speakers use tum for such people.

It must be remembered that ap is a plural pronoun and requires plural agreement.

Saadia, ap ke pas vakt hai? Ap aj rat ko a sakti hain?

Saadia, do you have time? Can you come tonight?

Jonas sahib, ap vaqai bare admi hain

Jonas Sahib, you are a great man.

Begum sahiba, ap Pakistani hain?

Madame, are you a Pakistani?

Note, a woman whose name is not known may be addressed as begum sahiba or mem sahiba.

To address several people “log” may be used.

Ap log Pakistani hain?

Are you (people) Pakistanis

2. Some honorific phrases

Tasrif rakhie    = bathie,  please have a seat

Tasrif laie         = aie, please come

Ism sharif,       what is your good name, sir (ism, name; sharif, noble in Arabic)

   Ap ka (pura) naam kya hai? What is your (full) name?

Sharif admi,    a decent fellow (this is not very formal), sharif khandan, a good family

               Sharif as a given name – Omar Sharif

3. The use of plural to show respect.

Simply, using plural when only one person is in question – to show respect.

And then some details:

Ye Aleem sahib hain, ye mere acche dost hain, inka ghar Karachi me hai

These are Mr. Aleem, they are my good friends, their house is in Karachi

This plural form of respect is used when talking about people who are present in your company and people who are known to and respected by the person to whom you are talking.

Thus you would say:

Meri ma aj ghar par hain. My mother is (hain=are) at home today.

Ye meri begam hain, inka nam Natalia hai (notice nam…hai)

This is my wife, her name is Natalia.

       (hain =  are)

Kya ap ke valid Karachi me hain? (not hai)

Is your father in Karachi?

(hain = are)

4. imperative, do you want to request or order!

Please note chapter 1. tu/tum/ap as this relates to the use of you.

Polite commands/requests (ap):

Request/order (tum)

Order (tu)

Infinitive         stem                                     polite request (ap)                                      request/order (tum)                                    order(tu)

Batana                                 bata-                                    bataie!            Tell!                                                         Bat karo                                                          bat kar

Dekhna          dekh-             dekhie            See! Look!                          Dekho                                                                             dekh

Calna                                   cal-                                      calie               Come on! Let´s go!            Calo                                                                                cal

Lana                                    la-                                        laie                 Bring!                                                       Lao                                                                                        la

Lena*                                  le-                                        lijie                   take!                                                       Lo                                                                                       le

Rakhna          rakh-                                   rakhie               put/place!                          rakho                                                                               rakh

Milna                                   mil-                                      milie                 meet!                                                       Milo                                                                                       mil

Baithna           baith-                                   baithie   sit down                                       baitho                                                                              baith

                                                                                                              = Tasrif rakhkie  (v. polite)                                                                                    

Ana                                     a-                                        aie                    come!                                                      ao                                                                                       a

                                                                                                               = Tasrif laie (very polite) 

Farmana         farma                                   farmaie  please tell/say/do! (v.polite)

(Ap)

Sirja calie, cae pien, Sirja come, let´s have tea

Meri ammi se milie,  please meet my mother = may I introduce you to my mother

Ap Annukka ko telephone kijie,. (Please) phone Annukka.

Babar sahib se milie,  please meet Mr. Babar”

Ap aie, ap baithie, tum jao , tu ja (pronouns are often used with imperative) 

Aie, khana tayyar hai. Ap log yaha baithie. Come, food is ready. You (people) please sit here.

Anton Sahib farmaie, mizaj sharif hain? Tell me, Anton, are you well?

Aram farmaie (=kijie) Please take a rest

(Tum)

Jeldi ao, ham abhi jaenge. Come quickly, we are leaving just now.

Aisha dudh pilo, Aisha drink the milk

Khana khao, eat the food

.

Na, mat negative command

Mat is a much stronger expression for don’t.

Na jaie! Don´t go                    Mat jaie! Mat jao!  Don’t go 

Fikr na kijie Don´t worry        Aise mat karo! Don´t do like that! Aise mat kar! (order)

Na aie! Don´t come!

Na kijie! Don’t´do!                                   Mat kijie!

Istesan par mat jaie, vaha hamesa garbar hoti hai

Don´t go to the station, there`s  always confusion there

5. Takalluf, trouble or not!

This expression you hear very often.

Takalluf means “formality”,

A guest might say:

Kya takalluf hai What trouble you have gone to!

And the host answers:

Koi takalluf nahi It is no trouble!

6. Mehman navazi,  hospitality

Hospitality is also an important aspect of life, and people go to great deal of trouble (takalluf)

when entertaining guests. In Pakistan and India hospitality is almost an article of faith.

It is not uncommon for perfect strangers to entertain you for tea, to spend the whole afternoon showing you the town, and even invite you to their home after a brief chance meeting.

Mehman, guest

Navazi, courtesy

7.Greetings, goodbyes and politeness

Salaam “peace” is a universal Muslim greeting.

Salam alaykum, Islamic greeting, used at any time of day for “hello, good morning, good evening etc. (peace be upon you)

Va-alaykum assalaam (and upon your peace), answer to salaam alaykum

When meeting someone, these greetings are expressed first, then proceeding to

How are you etc.

Note also: Arja ko meri salaam kijie. Give Arja my regards.

Adab arz, (respect is presented) is a greeting used by people between all faiths. .

Namaste, namaskar, can be used any time for hello and goodbye, this is a hindu faith greeting

How are you? Can be expressed in the following ways:

Ap kaise/kaisi hain? How are you?

Kya hal hai?              What is your condition?                                    

Kaise mizaj hain?     How are your dispositions? (the most respectful expression)

I am well.

Me thiik hu, shukriya.  I am well, thank you.

Sab thiik hai.                  All is well.                                                     

Ap ki dua hai.                 It is your prayer (that makes me well). Also used by all religions.

Other expressions when greeting people.

Yaha sab Khariat hai?    Is all well here?

Ap Khariat se pahunce? Did you arrive safely?

Expressions to use when taking leave 

Ijazat dijie                       Please give me leave.

Khuda Hafiz                    Goodbye (God your protector , Arabic)

Ham phir milenge           We’ll meet again.

Thank you!

Shukriya, thank you

Mihrbani, literally “kindness”

Dhanniyavad, thank you in hindi

Ap ki aur ap ke doston ki bari mihrbani hai

It is the kindness of you and your friends….i.e. thanks to you and…..

Mihrbani karke ap kal meri kitab vapas dijie. Please be so kind and return my book tomorrow.

8. muaf kijie, excuse me

This means literally “do forgiveness”

Muaf Karen,  May you excuse me. This is more polite verb form than muaf kijie.

Me muafi cahta hu,  I’m sorry ( I want your forgiveness)

9. polite expressions relating to persons

When using names, first names are used in a very polite and correct way by adding a word which shows the required degree of respect, eg. Seija bhabi, ismith sahib, amma-ji.

Since the system of given names and a family name is not the same as in Western world,

the name a person is called by is used with various words in different situations. E.g. Masood Ahmad Khan could be addressed as Masood bhai (by his brother) Doctor Masood (by his patients) Doctor Masood (by his acquaintances), Masood sahib  (by his good friends)

Titles are used frequently outside professional use. Apko Doctor Masood janta hai? Unka ghar hamare nazdik hai.  Do you know Dr. Masood? His house is close to ours.

a. janab “sir”.

Janab is an Arabic word literally meaning “courtyard of a noble´s palace in which the oppressed might take refuge”. In Persian and Urdu it has come to mean “My Lord”, but in modern Urdu it simply means “Sir” and may be used when addressing any male. It is used between friends, also, in an almost affectionate manner.

Janab, Apko party  kaise lagta tha? Well (sir), how did you like the party? A friend could ask this.

b. sahib, Mr. (also Mrs.), also very informal (but politely correct) use between friends, relatives, workmates etc, Follows the person´s name. It may be added to any of the person´s names.

This is usually not translated into English.

John Smith could be: Jan sahib or ismith sahib

Mere caca sahib ghar par nahi hain.  My uncle is not at home.

Note. caca does not change in plural)

Muaf kijie, sahib, estasion kaha hai? Anteeksi, missä on asema?

Tin rupae kafi nahi hai, sahib. Three rupees is not enough (for a man and/or woman)

c. sahibzada, son; sahibzadi, daughter

The Persian suffix –zada means “born of”.

These words are used in polite conversations.

Kya ap ke sahibzade bhi tasrif laenge? Will your son be coming as well? Sahibzade (plural of respect)

d. sahiba, lady

 mem sahiba, lady

 begum (sahiba), madame,

 Begum sahiba, ap Pakistani hain? Madame, are you a Pakistani?

 xatuun, khaituun (xavateen, khavateen pl.),  a very polite word for “lady”

 This is an Arabic word used frequently.

 Xavateen ko bataie. Tell the ladies.

 Xavateen masjid me daxil ho sakti hai. Ladies can enter a mosque

e. bhabi, sister-in-law, or similar eg. cousin´s wife or close friends´s wife

This is not normally translated, but it is also somewhat impolite to say just the name there even if there is only a slight difference in the status.

Seija bhabi Karachi me panch sal rahti thi. Seija lived in Karachi for 5 years. This could have been said by Seija’s brother in-law or close family friend.

Ham log Natalia bhabi or Lasse bhai ko intizar karenge hamare shadi ke lie . We are waiting Natalia and Lasse to attend our wedding. This could have been said by their very close friend Abdullah.

f. appa, elder sister or similar, elder cousin, a close friend who is just a little elder

   bhaji, elder sister, elder sister-in-law and similar, elder but youngish person

Saulat kahne laga ke Aisha appa thori der bad aegi. Saulat (younger brother) started to say that Aisha (sister) is coming.

Aisha bhaji kal aegi. Aisha is coming, this could be said by her elder cousin-brother.

Poppy bhaji ghar par nahi hain. Poppy is not at home. Could be said by her sister-in-law.

g. bhai, brother or similar, cousin, a close friend

    cousin-bhai, sometimes used to clear the relationship

Jonas bhai kal mat aega. Jonas (my friend) is not coming tomorrow, this could be said by his friend

Babar or Saulat.

Mera bhai Muzarraf ajkal parhta hai. My brother Muzarraf is studying these days.

g. ji, indicates respect for a person, only  used for someone older than you

 apko pata hai, ke ammiji bimar hai, Do you know that my (dear) mother is ill.

amma ji = dear mother

nana ji = dear grandfather  (nani ji, grandmother)

see item  h. sardar ji

Omar ji = respected Omar

Ustad ji = respected teacher

This is used in names for some hindu gurus and respected persons:

Gandhi-ji, Babaji

Ji =  heart ,life,  respect, loved, sir/madam

It is as a respectful way to say yes and no: ji ha, ha ji (yes) ji nahi (no)

Kyo ji, excuse me, why is that (sir/madam)

h. sardar ji

This is a title given to the Sikhs in medieval times meaning “headman, leader”.

Sikhs are still addressed as “sardar ji”.

10. mubarak ho,  wishing  Happy birthday etc.

mubarak “lucky, auspicious”

ho, may it be

salgira / naya sal / Eid/ Hajj  mubarak ho!

Happy Birthday / New Year / Eid /Pilgrimage to Mecca!

Shaadi Mubarak ho! Congratulations on your wedding!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Last updated 12.7.2008

Comments regarding the pages to jonas.alam (at) gmail.com